Daddy's girl
2:26 PM Edit This
I bathed my father for the first time three weeks ago. He had a serious UTI after a prostrate biopsy. He became bedridden and did not recover from the infection for 3 weeks. It took to a serious turn and he had to be hospitalized.
I realized at that moment that the roles have changed. I used to take my parents for granted. My partner says that I behave like a woman in her 30's although I am approaching middle age. Probably, because I want to enjoy my prime time for as long as I could or I wanted to remain daddy's little girl.
I am clumsy and usually approach everything in a hurried manner. My partner says I am like Goldie Hawn, clumsy, a natural comic. I see myself as a cartoon character from Merry Melodies crossed with Goldie Hawn. Imagine my father in my care. He was quite worried and nervous.
He had a tube inserted via his urethra to his bladder for the urine bag. It was team work and tricky business removing his boxers. I actually thought of doing it the ER way, simply cutting it off! He kept exclaiming and fussing about watching out for his tube and the catheter on the back of his hand. I almost tripped over the urine tube as he stood between the bed and the wall and I had to walk between the narrow space to keep his things. I don't know if I am a good nurse but I think my dad appeared more stressed at my attention and his blood pressure probably shot up!
My father is a difficult and notorious patient. When he is ill he refuses to eat entirely. You can tell that he is getting better when he makes strange requests for food items like ketchup, soya sauce and pickled lettuce to eat with the hospital food. He even asked for instant coffee!
My father was discharged from the hospital 2 days ago and requested for Jawa noodles. My brother drove him to a hawker stall straightaway.
About the same period that my father became ill, my father in-law was hospitalized for food intolerance. So right after caring for my father, my partner would return from work and we drove to the hospital to see my father in-law. My father in-law despite being partially paralised from stroke, is very alert and has a ravenous appetite. We were at the hospital at 10.30pm and he asked for food. He usually cannot recognize me but surprisingly that night he remembered my feeding him the night before. He praised me and told my husband’s cousin (who stood beside him), “Your daughter is a nice girl, she took care of me. “ My husband’s cousin who was hard of hearing replied, “Yes the doctors are nice.” My mother in-law in her 80’s seems to be the only communication channel and replied loudly, “She’s not Annie’s daughter!” Of which my father in-law replied apologetically, “I’m sorry I get confused these days.” My consolation for my effort was to be mistaken as a teenager! I had to collect him from the hospital during his discharge. It was a struggle to fit him in the passenger's front seat because he is a tall man and the two petite nurses were of little help.
We also discovered that my mother may have a rare case of cancer. Thus, in the past month my life has been visits to different hospitals.
When we first heard of my mother's disease, I think all of us were devastated. I saw the tension etched on my father and brother’s faces. My brother started to scout around for hospitals and doctors for second opinions. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack as the initial diagnosis by the first hospital which we went to, was not definite. In fact, it was a mis-diagnosis of ovarian tumour as the symptoms which my mother has is very similar to ovarian cancer. After that, my brother and father started to discuss on how to generate the money to pay for a private hospital. My brother was ready to cash out his life savings from an insurance company and to mortgage his house. He suggested that my father sell our family home as well. My father was not for treatment at a private hospital because the cost would be exorbitant.
I was filled with regret and self blame at not being more attentive or sensitive to my mother’s needs and health condition. I was initially very emotional but I have come to accept my mother’s illness. Acceptance of her condition, made me calmer.
It was an ordeal for us as after two months and undergoing numerous tests and scans: none were conclusive. Finally, via my partner’s recommendation, we went to University Specialist Centre. The professor studied my mother’s medical reports and confirmed that she has Primary Peritoneal Cancer. This is a rare form of cancer and is usually discovered by a gynaecologist as the symptoms are so similar to ovarian cancer. He assured my mother that he is able to operate on her.
My mother has always been a healthy, robust and health conscious person. One of her pleasures in life is food. She enjoys buffet and can go for five rounds! Taking her out to buffets is money well spent. My brother usually indulges her on her birthdays and treat the whole family to a buffet spread.
I started to take up the role of a dietician to my mom after her diagnosis. Then again I thought, why should I deny her from eating which is one of her pleasures in life. This will be inevitable after her surgery and during chemotherapy. Why not let her eat whatever that she pleases now.
We lead our life governed by time and we are always in a flurry and rush. We seem to have this urgency and need to get to wherever that we are going or get things done so much so that we become impatient and forget to make time for what is really important. Lately with my parents aging and their health, I realize that I have to slow down. Now, I have to make time for my family, my father and my mother. We assume different roles as we go through the chapters in our lives – as a child, a daughter, a friend, a wife and a mother. It is my turn to grow up and to give, love and nurture. My hope is for more buffet dinners.
My article was published on Star newspaper, Star magazine Heart & Soul on 10th April 2011
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2011/4/10/lifefocus/8318000&sec=lifefocus
I realized at that moment that the roles have changed. I used to take my parents for granted. My partner says that I behave like a woman in her 30's although I am approaching middle age. Probably, because I want to enjoy my prime time for as long as I could or I wanted to remain daddy's little girl.
I am clumsy and usually approach everything in a hurried manner. My partner says I am like Goldie Hawn, clumsy, a natural comic. I see myself as a cartoon character from Merry Melodies crossed with Goldie Hawn. Imagine my father in my care. He was quite worried and nervous.
He had a tube inserted via his urethra to his bladder for the urine bag. It was team work and tricky business removing his boxers. I actually thought of doing it the ER way, simply cutting it off! He kept exclaiming and fussing about watching out for his tube and the catheter on the back of his hand. I almost tripped over the urine tube as he stood between the bed and the wall and I had to walk between the narrow space to keep his things. I don't know if I am a good nurse but I think my dad appeared more stressed at my attention and his blood pressure probably shot up!
My father is a difficult and notorious patient. When he is ill he refuses to eat entirely. You can tell that he is getting better when he makes strange requests for food items like ketchup, soya sauce and pickled lettuce to eat with the hospital food. He even asked for instant coffee!
My father was discharged from the hospital 2 days ago and requested for Jawa noodles. My brother drove him to a hawker stall straightaway.
About the same period that my father became ill, my father in-law was hospitalized for food intolerance. So right after caring for my father, my partner would return from work and we drove to the hospital to see my father in-law. My father in-law despite being partially paralised from stroke, is very alert and has a ravenous appetite. We were at the hospital at 10.30pm and he asked for food. He usually cannot recognize me but surprisingly that night he remembered my feeding him the night before. He praised me and told my husband’s cousin (who stood beside him), “Your daughter is a nice girl, she took care of me. “ My husband’s cousin who was hard of hearing replied, “Yes the doctors are nice.” My mother in-law in her 80’s seems to be the only communication channel and replied loudly, “She’s not Annie’s daughter!” Of which my father in-law replied apologetically, “I’m sorry I get confused these days.” My consolation for my effort was to be mistaken as a teenager! I had to collect him from the hospital during his discharge. It was a struggle to fit him in the passenger's front seat because he is a tall man and the two petite nurses were of little help.
We also discovered that my mother may have a rare case of cancer. Thus, in the past month my life has been visits to different hospitals.
When we first heard of my mother's disease, I think all of us were devastated. I saw the tension etched on my father and brother’s faces. My brother started to scout around for hospitals and doctors for second opinions. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack as the initial diagnosis by the first hospital which we went to, was not definite. In fact, it was a mis-diagnosis of ovarian tumour as the symptoms which my mother has is very similar to ovarian cancer. After that, my brother and father started to discuss on how to generate the money to pay for a private hospital. My brother was ready to cash out his life savings from an insurance company and to mortgage his house. He suggested that my father sell our family home as well. My father was not for treatment at a private hospital because the cost would be exorbitant.
I was filled with regret and self blame at not being more attentive or sensitive to my mother’s needs and health condition. I was initially very emotional but I have come to accept my mother’s illness. Acceptance of her condition, made me calmer.
It was an ordeal for us as after two months and undergoing numerous tests and scans: none were conclusive. Finally, via my partner’s recommendation, we went to University Specialist Centre. The professor studied my mother’s medical reports and confirmed that she has Primary Peritoneal Cancer. This is a rare form of cancer and is usually discovered by a gynaecologist as the symptoms are so similar to ovarian cancer. He assured my mother that he is able to operate on her.
My mother has always been a healthy, robust and health conscious person. One of her pleasures in life is food. She enjoys buffet and can go for five rounds! Taking her out to buffets is money well spent. My brother usually indulges her on her birthdays and treat the whole family to a buffet spread.
I started to take up the role of a dietician to my mom after her diagnosis. Then again I thought, why should I deny her from eating which is one of her pleasures in life. This will be inevitable after her surgery and during chemotherapy. Why not let her eat whatever that she pleases now.
We lead our life governed by time and we are always in a flurry and rush. We seem to have this urgency and need to get to wherever that we are going or get things done so much so that we become impatient and forget to make time for what is really important. Lately with my parents aging and their health, I realize that I have to slow down. Now, I have to make time for my family, my father and my mother. We assume different roles as we go through the chapters in our lives – as a child, a daughter, a friend, a wife and a mother. It is my turn to grow up and to give, love and nurture. My hope is for more buffet dinners.
My article was published on Star newspaper, Star magazine Heart & Soul on 10th April 2011
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2011/4/10/lifefocus/8318000&sec=lifefocus
