The Ugly Duckling

“I have been on my feet the whole day”. from a young woman in stilettos
“All kenyans run.” From a Kenyan who won the KL marathon
“The buffaloes needed extra coaxing today.” From a farmer in Indonesia


Feet how delightful you are,
Giving me wheels to run like a car.
And as I listen to the beat of rhythmic drums,
I find my feet tapping a thump thump.


When the first young grass of spring grows
I would eagerly skip over the grass like a deer, hops of highs and lows.
And in summer as I go to the beach
What pleasure to walk bare feet
To leave my imprints on the sandy beach
And watched as the waves washed them away.

I could think of different ways to make my feet look pretty,
Like painting my toe nails ,
Or wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo’s then walking silly.

At five, it didn’t make any sense when mum bought me sensible canvas shoes
When what I wanted to wear were fancy court shoes.
Ironically now as an adult I get to choose
Boots, court shoes, platforms or stilettos
Yet, all I long for were my comfortable sensible canvas shoes.

I used to day dream to be 6 footer model
Until the day I saw a footless man.
Then I sunk on knees in gratitude
For being an average five footer.

What I would like to be remembered on my grave
This woman has travelled far
This woman has climbed mountains and braved
Many a storm
Although, this woman has fallen many times,
Yet, “She always got back on her feet.”

I just got a new job, very different from what I've done before. I'm excited, exhilarated at being given the opportunity to do this job.

I was given an assignment by my manager a few days ago. My colleague is a young man of 26. We had a little brainstorming session. After that I had to record and type a proposal for this project. I sent it to my colleague and manager. He then sat down and started to re-write and added so much more ideas and material to my simple proposal. I am pleasantly surprise at his wealth of experience and knowledge which I lack despite my age. He has been in the field. I discovered, in Learning, you can never tell from who you will receive your next lesson. Even someone who is a decade younger than you. So for now, just bite my humble pie, and be open enough to accept and absorb.

Your Guru can come in any form or shape. You can learn from a baby, a child, an animal, a beggar, a drunkard when he is sober, even an ant. Be curious!

In examining ads as historical documents, we also should look at what the ad seems to take for granted. Inferring social conditions from advertisements is not straightforward. Ads are highly selective in their depiction of the world. Notably, historical and contemporary studies abound showing that advertising’s depiction of American society has been highly skewed in its portrayal of race, class, and gender.

An exerpt from History Matters, the US Survey Course on the Web. Title What do Ads Reveal or Conceal about an Era?

Below are two different advertisements.
The one on the right was taken in 1943, when the role of a woman was very much dedicated to her family. However, during WWII, most American men were recruited to fight the war. Therefore, women had to come out to work and assuming the jobs which their husbands/sons have left behind. And yet, return home to be a daughter/wife/mother.

Note the picture on the left. This 1977 ad was aimed at garment manufacturers rather than at consumers directly. It refers visually to the emerging social acceptance of fluid and open gender identities and sexual practices that marked the 1970s (symbolized by the fashion trend of androgyny) to urge manufacturers to label correctly the fabric they use in their clothing. This ad contrasts starkly to the message about gender roles conveyed by the 1943 hand lotion advertisement.

A lot of the recipes in Penang Nyonya food uses turmeric or 'kunyit' in Malay. There was an article in our local daily a few months ago which spoke on the benefits of turmeric. I took this from a Malay site and am translating it into English.

Turmeric reduces gas in your stomach.
It aids in the digestion of food.
It increases red blood cells.
It helps to ease discomfort during menstruation.
When turmeric is mixed into a paste with water, it helps in treating eczema, skin allergies, muscular aches, heat rash.








Source:http://petua-untuk-anda.blogspot.com/2008/06/khasiat-kunyit.html

If you have leftover rice, don't throw it away. Use it to make Nasi Ulam. The Malays take plenty of ulam in their diet. Translated it means salad.
This dish is a mixture of a variety of herbs (ulam) and spices with rice. The kunyit and pepper relives stomach gas.

Ingredients:

Rice about 400gm (to feed 5 persons)
One thumb size salted fish pre toasted in the oven or deep fried till crispy.
Then pound the salted fish till fine.
You can substitute (cheat) salted fish with a fistful of anchovies. Deep fry and then pound finely.
One tbsp of pepper or according to taste
Kerisik (coconut shavings fried till brown/fragrant on low fire)

a) Turmeric or kunyit (one thumb size)
b) Ginger flower leaves (2 pieces)/Daun Kunyit
c) One Ginger flower / Bunga kantan
d) Daun kaduk (about 15 large leaves) sold at market one bunch RM 1. Or you can harvest at shady parks or swampy areas or drains.
e) One Onion (large pink ones )
f) Kaffir lime leaves (8 pieces)
g) Long beans (6 strands)
You can add other types of leaves as well.
All the above (a-g) thinly sliced

Then mix them through the rice. Salt might not be necessary as the salted fish is salty enough. This was one of the dish which I sold at my stall.

Then dig in.

What makes your heart chuckle, or beat a 'cantabile' tune?




Starting the day with a yoga asana
My mat placed in a park
Breathing in the fresh morning air
At present, just the asana, the wet grass, no other cares.

Cradling a kitten in my hand,
Rubbing its little tummy
Watching as it falls into slumber, I was its mummy
Like Thumbelina on a lily pad.

Bathing my dog Milo
Scrubbing and covering him in soap suds
Being splattered and covered with droplets
Then he tangles furiously with the towel

Sitting beside my father
Listening to his endless preaching
About life, my father the philospher
My encyclopaedia, full of wisdom and wit, always teaching
Oh how I love this man.

Having family dinner
A table laid out by my mother
Everyone digging in enthusiastically
My mum's cooking, that brought our family together.

Digging my hand into soil
Burying a seed
Watching it turn into a little plant
A flower for beauty or a herb which feeds.

Checking out long lost classmates
In Facebook
Seeing old school photos
From then and now, how beautiful each one of them look.

After work, watching some children
Playing with a fountain
Hand and feet stepping on the water pipes
Splashing, drenched, yet you hear squeals of delight.

Seeping lavender tea
At the end of the day
Listening to gregorian chants
Just doing nothing, except seeping tea

Before I go to sleep
Silencing my mind
In meditation
Listening to the sounds of the Universe
Reaching out to God.

A potter’s hands are made to create
Pots out of clay to contain water or rice
As she steadily knead and mix
Soil collected from mother earth.

A carpenter’s hands are made to build
Shelter out of bamboo, wood or steel
Shielding people from rain, sun, wind, snow.

An artist’s hands brings us beauty
Capturing images through time and history
An interplay of colors expressed through the heart.

A physician’s hands can only heal
A gift from God for the very few
Diagnosing and removing pain and illness.

A mother’s hands will naturally nurture
Be it feeding a baby his first mouthful or
Changing dirty diapers
Mothers hands comfort the human soul.

A farmer’s hands work the land
Sowing seeds that turn into seedlings
Engaging mother earth’s help
Growing food to feed the hungry


In friendship we extend a handshake
Through that handshake we silently say
“you are my friend, and I will trust you.”

Hands can speak when lips fail
For the mute and the deaf
In their silent world, hands communicate.

Hands clasped together in prayer
Speaking words of praise to God
Stilling the mind,
uniting with the higher consciousness


If you were given a knife
What would you do with it?
To carve or shape a block of wood
Into a statue or piece of art
To remove a cancerous tumor
From a patient’s womb
To gut a fish
To open a tin can
To shave your beard
To dig a hole
To puncture a tyre
To scratch a car
To hunt
To stab and kill a life.

What have your hands done lately?

I’ve survived for the past 7 months as a rookie hawker after leaving my comfortable job in the corporate world. Working in the corporate world somehow seemed so unreal now. I feel like I have broken out of a glass bubble and was dealt with reality.

I admitted that physically it was hard for the first 3 months. There were days when my unconditioned body was totally fatigued from the physical labour and heat. The midday sun turned my little stall into a furnace not mentioning facing the hot wok. At the end of the day, all I could think of was to lie down. There were days when I had a “Cooks” block and could not think of what dishes to prepare. Some days, the dishes that I dished out were affected by my emotions. In the early days, I occasionally threw a childish tantrum in my kitchen.
After the third month, my body became stronger and I was fit and muscular. I used to struggle with pushing up the roller shutter (as it was partially damaged), but lately, I did not break a sweat. I could finish preparing all 6 dishes plus cleaning up the kitchen within 2 hours. I have also garnered followers for my food. Unfortunately, despite all my efforts to promote my stall, my sales have not increased. This is the main worry for every entrepreneur, no sales. I found my savings depleting to pay for the cost of running the stall and daily wastage from leftover food. I started to donate my food to Homes and fed beggars. In deciding to become a hawker, I made some lifestyle changes as well. I could not afford to rent an apartment and shifted to a room. I forego yoga classes. I stopped shopping for clothes, shoes, handbags, cosmetics and accessories. I stopped eating at air conditioned restaurants. The last tipping point was when my parents had to pay for my rent. It broke my heart to see the worry in their faces, I knew I had to do something. That was when I started writing in to companies for a job. I proudly wrote in my resume of my current occupation as a Hawker. In all my naivety, I see no shame in being a Hawker as I was earning an honest living. I was offered a job within 2 weeks of serious job search.
Let me share with you a day in a life of a Hawker and the people who I have had the honor of meeting.
I woke up every day at 5.30am to pray and meditate. I leave my house at 7.00am and head for the wet market. My sense of smell is assaulted daily with different odors from the market and the large garbage bins next to the Food Court. The vegetable seller and the fish mongers greet me with a loud “Ah Moi” which means “young lass” or “Aunty”. I chose only to reply to the former. Then I would return to my stall, greet the stray cats, open my stall and feed the cats. After that, I would prepare the freshly bought vegetables and fish. My day ends at 4pm, after the busy lunch hour, I would start to clean up at about 3pm.
Since losing my job, I stopped yoga classes and returned after an 8 months lapsed. My guru approached me and asked about my absence. I explained my current financial situation. He then offered me free classes and not only that trained me to become a yoga teacher. I wept with gratitude. The word “guru” in Sanskrit denotes, gu means darkness & ru means light. Therefore, a guru is someone who enlightens you. In every way, throughout my yoga training, I have learned to be more aware of myself through the love and guidance of my guru.
I started befriending the hawkers, the janitors, the grocers. Previously, being a yuppy I have hardly noticed or exchanged words with these people. Now, since I am working amongst them, I have become like one of them. In the past, a hawker would just serve me food, I paid and that was it. My close friend, mentor, was aunty Linda, who runs a drink stall. She was constantly on a look out for me and keeping the things which I accidentally left outside my stall. I learned some silent code of conduct or house rules in the Food Court. She taught me how to fold the large parasol, which to me was like a tango with a rebellious Spanish dancer. I have yet to master the many folds of my “Spanish dancer’s” skirt. She warned me on days where there were fewer patrons such as long weekends or the 1st and 15th of every lunar calendar where the Chinese will go on vegetarian diet.
Aunty Linda is in her 60’s and leads a hard life. She comes from a family of 11 siblings. She speaks good English and was previously working with a corporate company, as a production supervisor. She took over the drink stall from her father. She has an elderly sister who is mentally ill and has diabetes. Aunty Linda’s sister became ill in her late 20’s and the family believed she was possessed by a spirit. Aunty Linda takes care of her sister in addition to running the stall. Aunty Linda reminds me of Florence Nightingale. She goes from stall to stall to help out in cutting vegetables or peeling prawns. She brings comfort and friendship throughout the Foodcourt.
I bought most of my groceries from this couple who are in their 60’s. Despite being only in their 60’s they somehow appear older, I think due to the physical toll of such a lifestyle. The uncle who is helping his wife was formerly an engineer but almost had an emotional breakdown due to the work pressure in the corporate world. The couple was in their early forties then with 3 young children. They decided to turn to a new leaf, left the northern state and headed for Kuala Lumpur with whatever savings they had. They had run their little grocery stall for about 15 years. It is hard to compete with the large retailers these days. The aunty’s face is permanently etched with deep frowns, worry lines.
Now, right beside the dumpsite is a little room. I used to think that the room was a store for the janitors. I found out later that it was the janitor, his wife and their little baby girl, Rahmah’s home. I have never found out their names as I’ve always addressed them as “Kakak” or “Bapak” to be respectful. The room is pitch black. In the last 6 months, I’ve watched Rahmah grew from an infant to a toddler. Her mother would tie her baby walker to a post outside my stall as she went about mopping the floor. Rahmah is sociable and enjoys the sights and sounds around her. She has adapted well to all the eager aunties who want to carry, pinch and poke her.
One morning I found the janitor’s wife squatting at the entrance of the stall. I approached her and found out that she was nursing 4 tiny new born kittens with a feeding bottle. Someone separated the kittens from their mother and abandoned them to die. The janitor’s wife bought a feeding bottle and cat’s milk to nurse them. Unfortunately they were too young to live.
I am inspired by my meeting with this young family of 3 persons. They tried my food in my first month of opening my stall. My rice was half cooked and the wife discretely informed me. This couple has a daughter age 9. The father suffers from diabetes and has lost both legs to this disease. Part of his left hand appeared hoof like because the disease has led to deformity. The wife shared with me excitedly on their vacation plans to Penang. Her husband will be driving them from Kuala Lumpur to Penang for a four day vacation. They wanted to know of all good places to eat. Incidentally I was in Penang as well and we met. The husband greeted me excitedly at the Little Penang Bazaar where I had a stand. They came specially to support me. The husband then asked me for directions to Batu Ferringhi beach as he wanted his daughter to run on a beach for the first time. Before they left me, he clasped both my hands and said “be strong, god bless you”.
One of my customers became like a mother to me. She is Aunty Julie. Aunty Julie and her sister Aunty Lily supplied me with fresh herbs, pickings from their garden. Aunty Julie was formerly a banker. I confided in her about my worries of my financial status. She actively started to find employers and job opportunities for me. When my mother thanked her, she replied “It’s alright. I am a mother too.”
One evening I was cleaning up and had some leftovers. I approached a beggar and asked if he was hungry. He pointed to the plate of vegetables and I heated them up and offered him. After he finished his meal, he offered me RM1.00. I declined and he clasped his hands together in a prayer and started to nod and pray profusely.
I don’t consider myself a failure. As Benjamin Franklin said “I haven’t failed, I had 10000 ideas that didn’t work.” Had I not had the courage to start my little business, even in its humble beginnings, I would have kept on wondering how it would be like. I know now that it is tough and the location of my stall is important to attract the right patrons. I know that my food is good as I was credited by two sous chefs from a large franchise restaurant. I realized that I can live without all the extra perks in life. I don’t need more than 1 pair of shoes. I dislike wasting food and take only as much as I need. I cannot help but watch disapprovingly at the 8 course dinner that my mother serves daily. We could feed 15 people and there are only 5 of us at home. I cry easily these days, most of the time out of gratitude at my good fortune, other times when I see people’s hardship or an animal in pain. I met my ex partner and he told me this, “there is no such thing as lack or destitute. You have 3 full meals a day. Isn’t that abundance?”

I returned last weekend to clean up my stall and gave away some food. I had for the past 2 months adopted a mother cat and her kitten (which died). I have not returned to my stall for the past 2 weeks. The janitor's wife told me that the mother cat (Mummy) has been coming every morning to my stall and sits patiently waiting for me. (reminded me of the movie Hachiko) I went to look for her and found her asleep in a shaded area of the Food Court. She recognised me but appeared thinner and is pregnant again. She refused to eat other food but the cat food which I used to feed her with. I fed her again and she ate greedily. I squatted beside her and watched her eat and I cried. The janitor's wife came to console me and said "don't worry, I will feed her."