Diary - taking care of Mama
2:18 PM Edit This
Friday, 18th March – Consulted Professor BK Lim, Hospital University Specialist Center
Diagnosed Mama with Primary Peritoneal Cancer. He is the second doctor to say so. We went to two hospitals and after numerous tests and scans, (period of 2 months) doctors could not conclude anything.
Dr. Lim scheduled Mama for surgery on Tuesday, 22 March.
Tuesday, 22 March: Mama’s operation was delayed from 10.30am to 7.30pm. 11.00pm came out from Operating Teatre. Papa, Jin Boy and I were beside her. Papa was feverish with UTI.
Wednesday, 23 March: Jin Boy spent the whole day to take care of Mama. She was quite alert. Unable to drink. On drips, sodium, antibiotics. Two tubes from her lower abdomen to drain off blood and other fluids. Third tube attached to a urine bag. At night, I came and slept at the hospital.
She woke up about 5 times with gagging coughs and plenty of phlegm. Very cold in the ward. She was thirsty but can’t drink.
Thursday, 24 March: Doctor said can start drinking water in little sips. Required bendable straws and they are so hard to come by! More phlegm and coughing throughout the day. She woke up about 4 times in the night to cough. Very thick urine, hardly any.
Friday, 25 March: Can drink Milo. Bought her apple juice for lunch. She enjoyed. Fed her formula drink but too thick for her. She could not digest and felt full.
Kindness: Nurse Dona came and taught Ma how to sit up on her own by reaching out to bed rest and pulling her body while shuffling her buttocks to the edge whether the mattress folds. She also taught me how to pat Mama when she coughs to get the phlegm out. She showed Mama some leg stretches to exercise herself and to sit up in tadasana.
Milestone: First walk, 20 meters to the passenger lift and back to her bed with urine bag and bottles on toll! “Take a deep breath whenever you exert”. “Inhale, exhale.” Nurses helped her to the bathroom to bathe.
Humiliation: Nurses prepared Mama for bath and she was sitting in front of the toilet half naked. When suddenly the ward door opened and in came 4 men and 3 women. One young man was a hospital attendant and I requested that he ask the new patient to wait as I covered my mother, but no, they all came in. I ran to grab a sarung to cover her up. My mother was so shamed.
Parenting: The new patient was a woman in her 40’s with 1st stage pelvic cancer. She has two children, girl is 14, boy is 16. They waited from 8.30 till 7.00pm without any food nor drinks as their mother went into surgery. Their aunty brought them food at 7.30pm. I made them chocolate drink and gave them a packet of biscuits. The 16 year old boy, stood by his mother’s bedside the whole night through. She woke up with a loud gasp about 3.00am. I heard him whispering and comforting her, as he held her hand throughout the night. He dozed off, with his head on the bedpost. Her husband was absent.
Saturday, 26 March: It is Papa’s birthday today. He isn’t well with recurring UTI. He is very weak. He text me” I feel so miserable unable to see Ma”. Dr BK came in today. Mama asked on how long she can live. BK “Honestly, I don’t know. You’re hanging on a thread.” “No solids, just water. You teachers are the most difficult patient. You don’t listen. My mother in-law is a teacher.” “ You just want to instruct, I have another 51 year-old patient who is a teacher too!” Mama “See you again tomorrow.” “Burrggh! I hope not” and off he went. She walked twice a day today.
Peace: Mama’s snores. It means that she is not suffering and is sleeping deeply. Rest, heal.
Vanity: “How does my hair look?” “I’m losing so much hair” (a clump fell on the floor). “Ask Jin to bring my hair brush tomorrow.” “Apply some moisturizer on my face, my skin must be so wrinkled.”
Sunday, 27 March: Mama may drink cereals and formula drink. Jin had to return home to bring back the protein formula.
Balm for the soul: Since taking care of Ma, I’ve been giving her chest and back rubs with Vicks balm. The smell and vapor sooths her. She sleeps better. I’ve also progressed to massaging both her legs and feet. Her feet and hands become swollen from poor circulation.
Love: My father came for the first time since my mother’s surgery to see her. He came to her bedside and started to cry. This was the first time that he cried since finding out that my mother has cancer two months earlier. He was very calm throughout. He said something about my mother’s cancer- that disease happens because of our mental state of mind and the emotions that we harbor inside of us. He said we should learn to detach ourselves from things that are less important – like a perfect house.
Relief: Mama could defecate for the first time today. The doctors gave her oral laxative to induce it. This means that her intestines are functioning, after the surgery as 1 1/2 foot of her large intestine was removed.
Monday, 28 March: 10.30am Jin Boy called. Mama had to be transferred to the ICU for shortness of breath. She started to gag at 9.20am and had cold sweat. 12.30pm, during my lunch break my hubby came and drove me to the hospital. My brother was in the hospital the whole day till at night. The doctors performed a CT scan to determine the course. She had blood clots on both lungs and from her right thigh to her waist. The doctors prescribed Hesparin, a blood thinner via IV.
Despair: Fear. It chokes you. I am bewildered. How come? she appeared well the night before.
The Longest ride: I sobbed and wept like a child all the way to the hospital.
Tardiness: The doctors at the ICU had to book a time for the scan. My mother entered the ICU at 3.30pm and the doctors told the scan team that they need an hour to prepare her for the scan. But the people at the scan heard wrongly and booked her time 4.00pm. She was not ready. They could only fit her in at 7.00pm.
Vulnerability: Every room in the ICU was taken. There was a patient with H1N. My mother was put on a respirator. There are no doors, all are open wards.
Tuesday, 29 March: Mama’s condition appeared stable. She can be transferred out of ICU as the doctors are concerned that she may contract an infectious virus. There are no rooms in available in the wards.
Wednesday, 30 March: Mama was awake by 4.30am and asked the nurses to clean her. She was transferred into a special ward by 9.00am. A bed beside the door, right beneath the air condition vent. I slept beside her that night. It was very cold.
Strange request: A ski cap.
Thursday, 31 March: The patient diagonally opposite her was discharged. She has been eyeing at that bed. Every time a nurse passed, she would ask if she may have that bed. They removed the stitches from her abdomen.
Desire: The bed by the window.
Faith: “Where’s my prayer book?”
Pleasure: “The nurses applied powder on me after wiping my body. They didn’t do that at UMC”. Mama.
Trust: “Don’t worry, the Chinese trainee nurse is very good to me. She prepared my formula drink for me this morning, so you don’t have to come anymore.”
Sunday, 3rd April: Mama may eat anything she wants. She had her first bite of honey dew and asked from the patient opposite if she may have hers as well.
Fulfillment: “The honey dew taste so refreshing!”
Tuesday, 4th April: Mama ate her first bowl of rice. I bought it from a vegetarian restaurant. It’s tofu in brown sauce with fake mince meat. She shared the rice with the patient opposite her whose honey dew she ‘stole’ a day before.
Neighbourly: “What are you eating?” “ Can I have some?” the old lady opposite Mama who had her uterus removed asked.
Satisfaction: “This is so delicious.’ “Can I have the same dish tomorrow?” Both my mother and the patient opposite her asked me to buy them the same tofu rice.
Wednesday, 5th April: Mama and the patient opposite her shared the same food. The doctor came to fix a tube in Mama to for the chemotherapy drugs to be administered the next day.
Thursday, 6th April: Chemotherapy drug administered at 11.00am. Two types of drugs commonly used to treat ovary cancer. Carboplatin and Anzatax. She still had a strong appetite during dinner. She had the tofu rice with minced meat, apple/celery juice and 3 pieces of plum.
Gratitude: The patient opposite Mama offered to pay me for the food. I declined. She said “You and your brother are such good people.”
Family: My brother cooking dinner for Mama, Papa, Ike and me. My brother holding me and crying with me when Mama was in the ICU. Ike running errands and packing food for my mother.
Diagnosed Mama with Primary Peritoneal Cancer. He is the second doctor to say so. We went to two hospitals and after numerous tests and scans, (period of 2 months) doctors could not conclude anything.
Dr. Lim scheduled Mama for surgery on Tuesday, 22 March.
Tuesday, 22 March: Mama’s operation was delayed from 10.30am to 7.30pm. 11.00pm came out from Operating Teatre. Papa, Jin Boy and I were beside her. Papa was feverish with UTI.
Wednesday, 23 March: Jin Boy spent the whole day to take care of Mama. She was quite alert. Unable to drink. On drips, sodium, antibiotics. Two tubes from her lower abdomen to drain off blood and other fluids. Third tube attached to a urine bag. At night, I came and slept at the hospital.
She woke up about 5 times with gagging coughs and plenty of phlegm. Very cold in the ward. She was thirsty but can’t drink.
Thursday, 24 March: Doctor said can start drinking water in little sips. Required bendable straws and they are so hard to come by! More phlegm and coughing throughout the day. She woke up about 4 times in the night to cough. Very thick urine, hardly any.
Friday, 25 March: Can drink Milo. Bought her apple juice for lunch. She enjoyed. Fed her formula drink but too thick for her. She could not digest and felt full.
Kindness: Nurse Dona came and taught Ma how to sit up on her own by reaching out to bed rest and pulling her body while shuffling her buttocks to the edge whether the mattress folds. She also taught me how to pat Mama when she coughs to get the phlegm out. She showed Mama some leg stretches to exercise herself and to sit up in tadasana.
Milestone: First walk, 20 meters to the passenger lift and back to her bed with urine bag and bottles on toll! “Take a deep breath whenever you exert”. “Inhale, exhale.” Nurses helped her to the bathroom to bathe.
Humiliation: Nurses prepared Mama for bath and she was sitting in front of the toilet half naked. When suddenly the ward door opened and in came 4 men and 3 women. One young man was a hospital attendant and I requested that he ask the new patient to wait as I covered my mother, but no, they all came in. I ran to grab a sarung to cover her up. My mother was so shamed.
Parenting: The new patient was a woman in her 40’s with 1st stage pelvic cancer. She has two children, girl is 14, boy is 16. They waited from 8.30 till 7.00pm without any food nor drinks as their mother went into surgery. Their aunty brought them food at 7.30pm. I made them chocolate drink and gave them a packet of biscuits. The 16 year old boy, stood by his mother’s bedside the whole night through. She woke up with a loud gasp about 3.00am. I heard him whispering and comforting her, as he held her hand throughout the night. He dozed off, with his head on the bedpost. Her husband was absent.
Saturday, 26 March: It is Papa’s birthday today. He isn’t well with recurring UTI. He is very weak. He text me” I feel so miserable unable to see Ma”. Dr BK came in today. Mama asked on how long she can live. BK “Honestly, I don’t know. You’re hanging on a thread.” “No solids, just water. You teachers are the most difficult patient. You don’t listen. My mother in-law is a teacher.” “ You just want to instruct, I have another 51 year-old patient who is a teacher too!” Mama “See you again tomorrow.” “Burrggh! I hope not” and off he went. She walked twice a day today.
Peace: Mama’s snores. It means that she is not suffering and is sleeping deeply. Rest, heal.
Vanity: “How does my hair look?” “I’m losing so much hair” (a clump fell on the floor). “Ask Jin to bring my hair brush tomorrow.” “Apply some moisturizer on my face, my skin must be so wrinkled.”
Sunday, 27 March: Mama may drink cereals and formula drink. Jin had to return home to bring back the protein formula.
Balm for the soul: Since taking care of Ma, I’ve been giving her chest and back rubs with Vicks balm. The smell and vapor sooths her. She sleeps better. I’ve also progressed to massaging both her legs and feet. Her feet and hands become swollen from poor circulation.
Love: My father came for the first time since my mother’s surgery to see her. He came to her bedside and started to cry. This was the first time that he cried since finding out that my mother has cancer two months earlier. He was very calm throughout. He said something about my mother’s cancer- that disease happens because of our mental state of mind and the emotions that we harbor inside of us. He said we should learn to detach ourselves from things that are less important – like a perfect house.
Relief: Mama could defecate for the first time today. The doctors gave her oral laxative to induce it. This means that her intestines are functioning, after the surgery as 1 1/2 foot of her large intestine was removed.
Monday, 28 March: 10.30am Jin Boy called. Mama had to be transferred to the ICU for shortness of breath. She started to gag at 9.20am and had cold sweat. 12.30pm, during my lunch break my hubby came and drove me to the hospital. My brother was in the hospital the whole day till at night. The doctors performed a CT scan to determine the course. She had blood clots on both lungs and from her right thigh to her waist. The doctors prescribed Hesparin, a blood thinner via IV.
Despair: Fear. It chokes you. I am bewildered. How come? she appeared well the night before.
The Longest ride: I sobbed and wept like a child all the way to the hospital.
Tardiness: The doctors at the ICU had to book a time for the scan. My mother entered the ICU at 3.30pm and the doctors told the scan team that they need an hour to prepare her for the scan. But the people at the scan heard wrongly and booked her time 4.00pm. She was not ready. They could only fit her in at 7.00pm.
Vulnerability: Every room in the ICU was taken. There was a patient with H1N. My mother was put on a respirator. There are no doors, all are open wards.
Tuesday, 29 March: Mama’s condition appeared stable. She can be transferred out of ICU as the doctors are concerned that she may contract an infectious virus. There are no rooms in available in the wards.
Wednesday, 30 March: Mama was awake by 4.30am and asked the nurses to clean her. She was transferred into a special ward by 9.00am. A bed beside the door, right beneath the air condition vent. I slept beside her that night. It was very cold.
Strange request: A ski cap.
Thursday, 31 March: The patient diagonally opposite her was discharged. She has been eyeing at that bed. Every time a nurse passed, she would ask if she may have that bed. They removed the stitches from her abdomen.
Desire: The bed by the window.
Faith: “Where’s my prayer book?”
Pleasure: “The nurses applied powder on me after wiping my body. They didn’t do that at UMC”. Mama.
Trust: “Don’t worry, the Chinese trainee nurse is very good to me. She prepared my formula drink for me this morning, so you don’t have to come anymore.”
Sunday, 3rd April: Mama may eat anything she wants. She had her first bite of honey dew and asked from the patient opposite if she may have hers as well.
Fulfillment: “The honey dew taste so refreshing!”
Tuesday, 4th April: Mama ate her first bowl of rice. I bought it from a vegetarian restaurant. It’s tofu in brown sauce with fake mince meat. She shared the rice with the patient opposite her whose honey dew she ‘stole’ a day before.
Neighbourly: “What are you eating?” “ Can I have some?” the old lady opposite Mama who had her uterus removed asked.
Satisfaction: “This is so delicious.’ “Can I have the same dish tomorrow?” Both my mother and the patient opposite her asked me to buy them the same tofu rice.
Wednesday, 5th April: Mama and the patient opposite her shared the same food. The doctor came to fix a tube in Mama to for the chemotherapy drugs to be administered the next day.
Thursday, 6th April: Chemotherapy drug administered at 11.00am. Two types of drugs commonly used to treat ovary cancer. Carboplatin and Anzatax. She still had a strong appetite during dinner. She had the tofu rice with minced meat, apple/celery juice and 3 pieces of plum.
Gratitude: The patient opposite Mama offered to pay me for the food. I declined. She said “You and your brother are such good people.”
Family: My brother cooking dinner for Mama, Papa, Ike and me. My brother holding me and crying with me when Mama was in the ICU. Ike running errands and packing food for my mother.
